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One of the scariest things about being pregnant is just wondering…,”what will my kid be like???” I wondered all kinds of questions about my soon to be child when I was pregnant with my first child. My husband and I would stay up late talking about what she might be like, what her voice would sound like, what kinds of things will she like, etc.

As my daughter started to grow up and her personality came out (around 2 & 3 years old) I started to realize a few things….one being that all though my daughter had blonde hair and blue eyes, she was not a mini me. She actually was her own person. She had her own ideas, likes, dislikes and personality type.

Sometimes parents (ehem…ME), get an idea in their head that their kids will be just like them. I thought Estelle would love the spontaneous, the “no plan”, the surprise. I found out shortly that she didn’t. Almost every single day of her life she has asked me, “What’s the plan for today?” I’m talking from the time she could talk until now- she’s 14 years old!  I love that she wants a plan- but 75% of the time, I don’t have one. HAA. I think its fine, but it frustrates her to no end.

It’s so important for us to get to know the hearts, personality and innate value system of our kids. There are some things that are very important to them that we think are trivial or unimportant! If we don’t take the time and effort to search those things out, we may do things (NOT on purpose) that would damage and wound the hearts of our kids. By valuing what our kids value, we make them feel understood and valued. To help our kids feel  inherently valuable and important is one of our main jobs as parents.

And let’s be honest. The needs that a daughter has are different from the needs of a son. Men and women are built and created differently. It’s supposed to be that way. We compliment each other and God loves that He did it that way! It was on purpose. Neither gender is better. But they are definitely different and that was absolutely intentional. If we don’t seek to understand this idea, we can unintentionally harm the hearts of our kids.

Connecting to the Heart of Your Daughter

Here are some of the ways I’ve found to connect to the heart of your daughter:

ASK LOTS OF QUESTIONS:

A few tips:

• When we ask questions, make sure to do it at a time when we can actually listen and HEAR what our daughters are saying.
• We can draw some conclusions from the answers to these questions.  It’s important to understand our kid’s love language….asking questions can reveal this to us. Or, you can also get this amazing book, 5 Love Languages for Children or 5 Love Languages for Teenagers. Both of these books are so helpful with educating parents on how to get to know the hearts of our kids.

Here are some of my favorite questions to ask my daughter to connect with her heart:

• • What was your favorite day this year?  I love this one because the first time I asked my daughter this, my mind was absolutely blown by how simple and easy the day that she chose was (its been different every year) but it was nothing like “going to disneyland” or on a huge trip, it was more like, “that day we spent at the beach then we ate ice cream and watched a movie” or something like that. I was able to take her response and to help to recreate some days that became “the BEST DAY EVER!”
  • What is your biggest fear?  When we understand what our daughter’s biggest fear is, we can help conquer that fear, disarm it or break off the lie that they are believing. To break off lies- grab this incredible book called SOZO.
  • What is your ideal summer vacation? Honestly, some of those BEST DAY EVERS are nothing more than a sleep over with friends and time for my daughter to explore (AKA walk or ride around the neighborhood with friends and no parents around!). When I found this out, I thought…wow…this literally costs me only a little extra food and I could potentially fill my daughters summer with some epic sleepovers and wonderful memories. I love to make my daughters’s BEST DAY EVERS happen….but I can only understand what that is by asking!
  • What is your biggest strength? The answer to this question helps us understand if we have done a good job of reminding our kids how awesome they are. My daughter is (by nature) a very loyal and trusting friend. This has helped her many times, and has hurt her other times. She is loyal and supportive to friends, even when sometimes, they aren’t as supportive of her. Helping her with this strength, by helping her understand that every strength could also be a weakness, can help her navigate the world at her best potential. God gave us our natural strengths, but those strengths can always be twisted to weaknesses if we aren’t careful. Helping our kids understand this is part of our job!

• What is your biggest weakness? When we hear what our kids think is their greatest weakness, we can also help them in that area. We can help them by learning the skills to over come this “weakness” we can help erase the fear that is associated with it. Sometimes this “weakness” is not a weakness at all, but actually a strength that they have only categorized as a weakness! Maybe it is another lie that they have believed about them selves that is an absolute joke. We can help!! That is our job!! 

Grab some other amazing resources in this incredible bundle that will have you winning at parenting in no time!!

Have you found other ways to connect to the heart of your daughter? I would love to hear about them in the comments!